Heya. No big deal, but I’m a mum now. I am responsible for a teeny teeny little human baby. It is of course, the absolute best feeling in the world. But it’s also mental. I just can’t get my head around the fact that she’s mine.
I’ve taken some time off from the blog to, you know, give birth. It feels good to be tapping away at my keyboard again. In a creative way at least. Though if I’m completely honest, now I’ve had a baby, I’m not really sure what to write about. Because it changes your perspective and also your priorities. Oh, and my brain has completely turned to mush, true story. The other day I couldn’t read the time on a digital clock. Everything is just so much harder to process at the moment. I’ve definitely got the classic mum brain – how long will this last? Anyone?
I really don’t want to slip into the mummy blogging arena. It’s just not me. And I’ve got a ton of other things I’d like to discuss aside from parenting and how many poopy nappies I’ve changed today. Though I guess I should at least catch you up a little bit…Not on the poopy nappies, on what’s happened over the last few months.
I gave birth on the 7th of November.
My little girl, Elka Josephine, was two weeks overdue. It’s safe to say I was pretty enormous by this point. No really, my baby bump was HUGE. Anyway, I won’t bore you with my complete birth story, but in a nutshell, she was breech, but the midwives didn’t realise this until I’d spent six days trying to go into labour [facepalm]. Hello emergency C-section [double facepalm]. I feel like it’s too soon to process the birth properly, or dwell too much on the fact I didn’t get to push her out, you know, my vagina. I guess I’ll probably touch on these things at a later date.
Right, the baby is crying so I’m going to have to pause writing for now. Be back in a jiffy…..
I managed two paragraphs before she needed me, not too bad eh? Well here I am two days later, she’s snoozing and I’ve found some energy to get back to it.
My little minime is now nearly three months old, and I feel like I’m just starting to get my mojo back. I’m out and about seeing people, I’m making it round the supermarket with the baby in the sling and mastering grabbing groceries (and everything in life) with one hand. I have managed to do some work here and there, start exercising again and, well, be a mum. I think the hardest things I’ve found so far are 1) Breastfeeding, my god it’s exhausting and 2) Attempting to walk two huskies and a baby at the same time 3) Figure out how to go for a number two whilst alone at home with the baby.
But on the whole, I feel like I’m doing OK at this whole parenting thing, which is somewhat of a relief. And without swooning and gushing too much, having a baby daughter is literally the best thing ever. Thanks to our struggle to create human life (see my fertility post here), I will never, ever forget how incredibly lucky I am.
We also moved into our first home around five months ago. Another thing I won’t take for granted, because it took me to the ripe old age of 32 to purchase my first home. The hubby and I moved back to my mums (thanks mum) for a year and a half to save the deposit for a house. We’d hoped to be there for about eight months. We were there for 1.5 years.
But hey, saving a ridiculously large deposit is no easy feat these days. It was hard, moving back in with the mothership after living with my man on our own for seven years. I was there until I was seven months pregnant and desperately wanted my own space. It felt like we’d never get a mortgage, yet here we are. I’m currently sat in my own lounge with decor I’ve chosen, walls that I can paint, and no one bothering me.
You could say 2019 was a rather eventful year. Falling pregnant in Feb 2019, moving into our own house in September and giving birth in November. I wonder what 2020 holds? To be honest, I don’t really care – all I want to focus on is enjoying the first year of being a parent. To treasure every single moment. And to thank my lucky stars that we were able to create our little miracle, Elka Josephine Nowak-Smith.
Oh, and if you’re wondering where her name is from. In terms of geographical origins, I’ve no idea. I owe her name to my father. When my sister and I were little and we lost a tooth, we’d always get a note from ‘the tooth fairy’ a.k.a Dad. My sister’s tooth fairy was called Danika, and mine was called Elka. Since she was born I’ve actually found one of these old notes my dad wrote and it was signed ‘Elka’ and my heart nearly burst when I read it. Have a read of this adorable letter below.
I’m not crying, you’re crying! #thisisjustsodarncute
I don’t think you could get a more adorable story than that. What’s even more touching is that my father isn’t around anymore, he died when I was 18 (read my blogs on grief here). So Elka’s name is a tribute to him, and this gives me enormous comfort. Her middle name, ‘Josephine’ was also my nannie’s name (dad’s mum). May their legacy live on through little baby Elka.
This is turning into a rather jumbled blog post, which is actually a mini-review of 2019. It’s also an excuse for me to get back writing something again. As wonderful as it is to be a mummy, it’s so important to hold onto a piece of yourself – and for me, that is writing. The freedom of writing about whatever you want is therapeutic, soothing and most importantly, a terrific form of escape.
I say this every darn year but this year I’d really like to try and finish that book I wrote nearly a decade ago. I’d also like to continue blogging about mental health, my travels (but now as a family) and wellbeing. Having a baby has made me cherish my health and wellbeing even more. When you’ve got a small human relying on you, you need to look after yourself. Because if you crumble, you can’t look after them.
So I’ve been focusing on my wellness, particularly my diet because I’m breastfeeding and I want to give her the best start possible. 2020 will be filled with posts about wellbeing, eating well and trying to stay mentally strong whilst being a parent. I’ve started working with the lovely Jo Woodhurst Nutrition, I had my first session with her a few weeks ago and now I’ve got a detailed nutrition plan to stick to. Watch out for a post detailing my experience of working with Jo. I’ve got tons of handy insights to share.
Anyway, apologies for the waffling and rather jumbled blog post. It has taken me three months to get back to blogging. I’m hoping to somehow find the time to keep writing in between running my copywriting business, looking after two huskies and raising a little baby. Wish me luck!