Sex: idealised as the ultimate mutually-beneficial act. A win for both partners.
But what happens when the big O becomes more about ‘I’? When one partner steals all of that juicy goodness for themselves, leaving the other, well, unsatisfied.
This is the orgasm gap. The big gap, where the lost hopes of unreached orgasms come to die.
And although studies conducted in the past five years have shown that women aren’t experiencing orgasms at the same frequency as men during sex, it’s really never going to be that black and white.
How to close the orgasm gap
Orgasms are rather complex, aren’t they? Women in particular can find reaching climax overwhelming. But on the flip side, women also have a much greater capability to orgasm multiple times during a short period.
Although some men may need to step up in the bedroom (or wherever you choose to get kinky), the orgasm responsibility lies with BOTH partners, no matter what gender.
Why? Well, you wouldn’t drive to an unknown destination without putting instructions in your satnav, right?
You both need to discuss how you might reach that final pleasure destination. Whether you’re in a mixed or same sex couple, ensuring your relationship isn’t tainted by a disappointing orgasm gap should be high on your list of priorities.
The benefits of sex and orgasms
Now, this might appear a rather trivial inequality to look at in the scope of things, but sex – specifically enjoyable and orgasmic sex – is powerful enough to extend our lifespan.
It can lower women’s blood pressure, increase our heart health, create natural pain relief, improve our self esteem and relationships, and decrease depression and anxiety.
A complete all-rounder: orgasmic sex is the single cheapest and most pleasurable boost you can give your health. So – what’s keeping us from reaching that toe-curling peak?
Biology has a part to play – it’s widely acknowledged that men and women experience sex differently.
Therefore – if we want to match our paces, or at least, coordinate for that one orgasmic moment with a loved one, an adjustment has to be made, in order to find a comfortable midpoint. There are a few fun ways to go about this…
Three top orgasmic tips
- The Headstart Method
Giving yourself a head start is one of the simplest ways to do this. This can mean so many different things: beginning sex without your partner, including them through pictures, sexting, or beginning sex with a shared focus on your pleasure (or orgasm) first.
Ultimately, the benefit here is not only building closer to climax, but having time that is solely dedicated to your pleasure, whether this is alone, or with a partner. There is no pressure to match pace, or reach orgasm: this method ensures you have undivided time for your own pleasure, ensuring whatever sex follows is simply a compliment to an already-fulfilling experience.
- The Rulemaker Method
For women who enjoy dominance, or the opportunity to lay down rules, the Orgasm Gap is a matter to take into your own hands. You may not be able to fix the world’s Orgasm Gap, but through stern words, and dominant charm, we have no doubt you can fix your own Orgasm Gap. A good starting point would be highlighting this inequality to your lover, and discussing how he might personally make it up to you, as the lucky and obedient partner they are.
- The Clear Communication Method.
Another possibility is that you aren’t being touched in the way that leads us to orgasm. This is where you have to take charge of your own pleasure: the only way to have more pleasurable sex is to communicate what feels good, and what doesn’t.
So, while you shouldn’t have to walk your partner through everything step-by-step, if you haven’t ever told them what you truly enjoy – that is an ideal place to start. If you have, maintaining the habit of regular and open communication around your pleasure is a certain way to build on your sex life.
A key part of healthy sex is the mutual desire to please, and, to find pleasure in each other’s pleasure.
The Orgasm Gap isn’t a win for anyone – partners generally want to help women reach orgasm, and we all know women would very much like that too. By approaching sex with more intention, and equally prioritising our journey to orgasm, we have the power to close the individual Orgasm Gaps that pervade our sexual relationships.
