I just resurrected a slang word from Mean Girls. I couldn’t think of any better way to describe how I have been feeling all week. In case you haven’t seen the epic film that is Mean Girls, ‘Fugly’ means f*****g ugly.
I’m going through a nasty fugly stage where I feel really really really unattractive. It’s the worst. It could be something to do with the fact that I’m ridiculously hormonal, but don’t get me started on that. Basically I’m in desperate need of a haircut, I need my roots done, my skin is so dry and flaky and I’m definitely not bossing my fitness regime at the moment. I’m actually fairly slim, but I’m not super strong, toned and fit. So I basically feel pretty meh. First world problems right?
Why do we wear ourselves down so much with negative thoughts about how we look? It’s so darn cruel. Mindfulness is a good idea when you are feeling fugly, because it helps you to realise the horrendously cruel thoughts that are running through your head, and encourages you to refocus your mind.
Sometimes it is useful to make a note of the things you are thinking about yourself, so that you can really digest them. Would you say these things to someone else? No darn way. So stop saying them to yourself.
Perhaps I just need to go somewhere quiet, curl into a ball and sob for a while and this unattractive, insecure feeling will pass. Then I will go back to being supper sassy and confident (I don’t know why I said that, I’m never sassy). I have been through these phases before, and they do pass.
Usually it’s not that I actually think I’m super ugly, it’s some underlying reason that’s eating away at me. I don’t quite know what it is this time, but I guess I will find out. Maybe when my forehead stops feeling like a dried up pond and the ends of my hair don’t look bits of straw I might feel better about myself.
I was feeling particularly vulnerable yesterday and decided I needed a ridiculously expensive moisturiser to fix my face. Perhaps I do need it, but my bank balance disagrees. Darn you fugly stage, you are the worst. So anyways, I wanted to share my pain and detail all the things many of us think when we are feeling fugly.
1. You think that you look dull and need a makeover asap. This then leads to impulse decisions about revamping your look and things you think might make you look totes beautiful again. Unfortunately you may end up with a god awful hair cut, a dodgy beauty treatment or dying your hair a ridiculous or very dramatic colour. Then you instantly regret it and feel even worse.
2. You look in the mirror and pick out 27548 things wrong with your face. Once you are done with your face you prod your body and make a note of all your lumpy bits and hate yourself a little more. When you feel crap about yourself, try doing the exact opposite and pointing out things you like about the way you look. Don’t be your own worst critic.
3. You start complaining to your other half that you know they think you are unattractive and not looking your best (when you know deep down that’s you talking and they love you no matter what you look like).
4. You decide you need to up your weekly exercise and plan lots of workouts for next week you know you will never be able to do. You go on a run and think that it will make you feel better, and it does, until you eat all those carbs afterwards.
5. You spend extra time getting ready for things and add a bit more make up than usual, but still think you look like shit.
6. After giving yourself a bit of a makeover in an attempt to make yourself feel better you take a few selfies to post on Instagram. You end up taking a ridiculous amount of photos and being your harsh and critical self, you aren’t pleased with any of them and end up feeling even worse about yourself. FYI, when you feel unattractive, you probably aren’t going to like any pictures you take, even if you do look amazing, you will find something wrong. So maybes avoid taking selfies when you feel down about how you look.
7. You start comparing yourself to other people including your friends, Facebook friends, the bloggers and celebs you follow on Instagram and all the supermodels. Then you start thinking why can’t I have their hair/boobs/bum/eyes/skin/lips/legs/figure, which only leads to more bad feelings.
8. Sometimes when you feel like this you do need to splurge on the odd beauty treatment, haircut or beauty product, because if it makes you feel just a teeny bit more beautiful, then it’s worth it. However, beware, your weakness can lead to silly purchases.
So, moral of the story, when you feel fugly, don’t poke the bear so to speak.
Don’t feed your inner critic by comparing yourself to everyone, letting those mean girls in your head get to you or focusing on your flaws.
I’m sure in a couple of days I will feel like a goddess, or hopefully, more back to normal. Your fugly stage is like a wave that you need to ride. Ride that wave, sit on your surf board and wait for it to pass. It will pass, eventually. We all have times where we feel self-conscious and have low self-esteem, we’re only human after all.