The Struggles Of Having A Monotone Voice & A Straight Face

confessions of a girl with bitchface and a monotone voice

I am not an overtly cheery person, and gradually, I am learning to accept that. At some point in your life you have to come to terms with who you are, and not give a crap about what anyone else thinks. I may have managed the first part, but maybe not the second (ignoring what other people think). It’s actually quite interesting when you start to really who you really are, and what makes you tick.

‘Give us a smile’. Errrmmm no.

 The reason I am writing this post is because yesterday, for the 2848593th time, someone told me to smile. I literally want to punch people in the face when they say this.

It was my local butcher, who said ‘cheer up, give us a smile’. He was actually quite nice about it compared to some people, who treat you like some sort of walking zombie.

 Instead of laughing it off or saying ‘I really should smile more’, I was true to myself and said something refreshing. I was like sir, ‘this is just how I am. To be honest I am not much of a smiley person. If you look at me and think I am miserable, I’m not, I am just in my own little world.’ He was a bit taken aback, but he seemed to understand.

You must always appear cheerful and happy

Why is it society expects us to be cheery all the time? When we are shopping, buying our groceries, waiting in line at the bank or simply just walking down the street. Why can’t we just have a bad day, or portray our natural expressions?

Displaying a straight face shouldn’t be a crime. The dictionary defines ‘straight face’ as ‘a ​serious ​expression on ​your ​face that you use when you do not ​want someone to ​know that you ​think something is ​funny.’ This accurately describes how I look most of the time.

Confessions of a girl with bitchface

*Image courtesy of Monocromia Photography

Having a very straight face and not giving much away doesn’t help me to instantly make friends, especially with women.

Men are often a little terrified of me. They mistake my daydreaming and serious face for ‘bitch face’, and assume I am not all that friendly.

It just takes people a little longer to understand my personality, and learn that I can actually be quite fun.

Sorry but my voice just sounds like this

I have been gifted with not one, but two detrimental communication skills. The second is something that I can’t really change. I have a monotone voice. People at work used to call me ‘monotone’. How lovely. It may sound cruel but really it’s just an accurate description of how my voice sounds.

Receiving gifts and sarcasm

Having a monotone voice makes thing especially difficult when you want to show gratitude. When people give me presents and I say ‘I really love it’ in a monotone voice, they probably think deep down I hate what they have gifted me. I am sure other people like me also suffer with this problem.

I will not jump for joy when you give me my dream present, but I will feel very warm and fuzzy inside (even if I don’t show it). My close friends and even my boyfriend find it really difficult to tell when I am being genuine and when I am being sarcastic, which can be quite entertaining but also very frustrating at times.

Dealing with overly happy people

I really struggle to cope with people who are very animated, bubbly and enthusiastic about everything. I just can’t seem to relate to them, and I always worry that they must think I am boring.

That’s why, sometimes if I have to socialise for an extended period of time with strangers, I need to take breaks. It’s hard work making an effort to be friendly to people you don’t know, when you would rather be with your close friends, or on your own.

Being like this doesn’t mean I am any less confident. I can be bold when I want to do well at something. I tend to do fairly well in interviews for example, because I am so driven and determined, even if some people see this as quite intense (often because I have such a straight face and a serious voice).

Smiling is hard work

My incapability to produce a natural smile 382894 times a day like normal people is also a problem. I am just better at pouting, what can I say? Pouting is far more useful for selfies anyways. All I can say is if you do get a genuine smile out of me, boy will it feel like an achievement. My boyfriend loves it when he manages to sneak a smile out of me, thankfully, he of all people, knows how to make me smile.

Show yourself some love

*Image courtesy of Monocromia Photography

So in summary, I am not a really smiley, enthusiastic and outgoing person, but I’m OK with that. There are lots of people who love me just the way I am. They see the real me, and they know that I can be very silly, confident, determined, loyal and fun.

What I am trying to say my darlings is, don’t be afraid to be who you are. Also, shout out to my fellow monotone and straight faced friends out there, who will hopefully read this and relate to all the above.

1 Comment

  1. Amber Mathis
    January 9, 2019 / 9:44 pm

    Dear Kiri,

    I have a student who is wanting to perform this prose piece for a Speech Competition. Please get ahold of me if this is a possibility!

    Amber Mathis

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