Forget the importance of being earnest. What about the importance of being yourself? Surely that should be one of your main #lifegoals? As I’m getting older I’m getting more comfortable in my own skin, and starting to not only realise who I am, but also enjoy the times where I’m 100% being true to myself.
You see the truth is, I’m a little bit odd. I like being weird sometimes, but I rarely show that side of myself to people who don’t know me. Like, if we’re going to become friends, you’re going to have to wait a fair while before I start really being myself. I’ll put on a bit of a front at first. A protective wall if you will.
I’ll show you snippets of my strange and quirky self and gauge your reaction. It’s only my true friends who know what I’m really like. Plus, maybe everyone at our wedding reception (because I played a cringe-worthy rap video of myself on a big screen). But I do think it’s super sad that we hide so much of ourselves.
A lot of it has to do with the image we present of ourselves online. We show how we’re excelling, we make ourselves look good and we only feature our best bits. Our internet presence is like a showreel, we’re only prepared to include the best moments.
As I’ve started to embrace my inner oddball, I’ve started to become generally happier. Who knew right? You guys are welcome. I’m dishing up some proper rocket science here. Be yourself and you will be happier. Go figure.
When I look back to when I was a lot younger, I remember people loving me for my quirks. Especially at school. Primary school particularly where I was known as ‘silly Kiri’. Now, most of the time when people meet me nowadays they would describe me as deadpan and not very animated. I think I’ve shut down that part of me, and buried it somewhere. Occasionally, it comes out of hiding and makes a surprise appearance, and it secretly fills me with joy.
We’re all far too boring these days. All trying to be the same, to meet high standards that society expects of ourselves. I think I spend way too long trying to be attractive when really deep down I’m a big geeky mess and I struggle not to leave the house looking like I’ve walked through a bush backwards. I wonder why everyone else looks so polished. And I am uber happy on the days when I get to wear my extra cool jumpers that say things like ‘frinally’ and have pictures of dogs on them.
I mean if I had to think of a cartoon character, I’d probably be that disturbingly odd hyena from The Lion King. Ed? OK no, maybe that’s a bit harsh. I’m not sure why that popped into my head. You see, there are some expressive things I like to do to make people feel awkward and have fun at the same time. Both of these things I’m AWFUL at. Dancing and rapping. Yes folks. Sadly I’m not naturally gifted but that’s what makes doing these things so special. And I seem to get a kick out of making people feel uncomfortable. What a wonderful personality trait.
When I’m dancing horribly out of time in my living room to an awesome song, I feel soooo alive. I swear you get a massive natural high. And what I love most about it is that I don’t need to be good at it. All my life I’ve spent a depressing amount of time trying to be the best at everything I do. Pushing harder, putting up more of a fight, trying to rise above my competitors. And friends, it’s exhausting. So exhausting.
It’s taken me quite a while to realise you don’t have to be good at everything to enjoy life. In fact, I struggle to enjoy anything when I’m putting heaps of pressure on myself. So, dancing like I’ve lost control of my limbs is so freeing.
I’m going to make a big effort to try and do more of these things, and not give a crap about what people think. OK, that’s a lie – I will definitely worry a little (or a lot) that people will shame me and cringe so much they never look at my Insta feed again. But I guess those people aren’t worth my time. I may as well build a positive army, right? A collection of people who are like, woahh she’s not perfect, and that’s why I want to see what’ she’s up to.
I’ve made a couple of videos of me just being my usual dorky self. But they’re currently sitting on my iPhone, because I’m scared for the world to see them. Currently only my poor alarmed friends randomly receive photors or videos on Whatsapp that I consider to be hilarious, and most of the time, they’re like ‘oh no she’s at it again, #cringe.’
Here’s to imperfection guys. And to being yourself no matter what. Do you really want to be on your deathbed and realise you’ve held back a brilliant part of your personality all your life? And (sob) no one got to see it? Well, that’s not going to be me! As Taylor Swift would say –
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Here comes the weirdness. Apologies in advance….
Main Image by Kristida Photography.
