Being Confident In Yourself Without Needing External Approval

Being Confident In Yourself Without Needing External Approval


After a recent life coaching session I discovered a few really important things. I have always struggled to believe in myself, I already knew this about myself. But what I hadn’t realised was how a few small, passing comments by people, have shaped my whole perception of myself.

The coaching session enabled me to reflect on why I don’t believe I am good enough at certain things. And distinctive memories came to mind of conversations I had probably five years ago, and also things friends have said that I have subconsciously allowed to affect me.

There’s no reason for me to feel negatively towards these people, because they meant no harm. It’s not them that can change things, it’s me. I need to try and see myself in a different way, and recognise my achievements.

What evidence is there that you aren’t good enough?

When you have those doubtful thoughts running through your head, pay attention to them. Don’t let them just repeat in your head constantly like a broken record.

Say for example you think ‘I’m not very good at that’. Ask yourself what evidence you have to prove this. The chances are you won’t be able to come up with anything, and you will realise that you are criticising yourself unnecessarily.

And if you do realise that you have areas to improve on, don’t just carry on and try and get by. Do something that will make you feel more confident and improve your skills, such as taking a course or taking the time to learn more about a particular topic.

All you need is love

If you are undervaluing yourself, then it’s time to make some changes. Start to tell yourself that you are good enough, and write down all your achievements, no matter how small. You can’t spend your life waiting for people to approve what you are doing or give you praise.

Of course it’s good to have appreciation from people. We’re born to love praise, but we don’t constantly need to it excel. We need to learn to love ourselves, regardless of what other people say and think.  You are not living and reaching your full potential when people tell  you aren’t good enough and you believe them.

You are not truly living or reaching your full potential when people tell you aren’t good enough and you believe them.

Remember that people may have ulterior motives for saying things that have nothing to do with whether you are talented or not. They might simply be jealous, and criticising or doubting you is their way of expressing it.

Don’t rely on the love and appreciation from others. Love yourself a little. Give yourself a pat on the back. Take a few moments to let your achievements sink in as they occur, rather than brushing them aside and moving on to the next thing on your to do list.

Change the way you see yourself

I’m going to try to learn to see myself differently, which is something that’s not easy to do. It takes a lot of work and effort to refocus your mind and being to give yourself some credit. So how do you go about doing this?

Well, for a start, be more aware of your achievements and appreciate them, even small successes. Acknowledge, write it down, appreciate. Be less judgemental and really appreciate yourself. 

Get to the point where you can be happy when someone is telling you well done, but if they are saying something that hurts you, you won’t be bothered to much because you know your worth.

You don’t need external approval. It’s still important to hear this but you also need to be confident in yourself.

Release your past, forgive those who have doubted you, and move forward.

This will enable you to start to feel better about yourself and work towards reaching your full potential.

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