A Little Insight Into The Mind Of An Anxiety Sufferer
Hey there lovelies, I haven’t posted much on anxiety lately, which I suppose is kind of a good thing. I tend to write away my worries via blog posts when things are getting on top of me.
If you suffer from anxiety and you haven’t tried writing about your experiences then you’re missing out. You don’t have to be a writer, it’s just therapeutic to get your feelings down on paper (or a keyboard).
I find writing a blog is really helpful, especially because I hope that other people can take comfort from my experiences. But you don’t have to go public, just set up a private blog somewhere and write away.
So here I am, ready to pour out my thoughts and feelings, and today’s topic is what goes on in the mind of an anxiety sufferer?
My main reason for writing this is because so many people just don’t get it. They don’t take the word ‘anxiety’ seriously because it gets overused these days.
There’s just a huge lack of understanding. Of course, everyone is different, so you might have very different thoughts and worries going through your head, but there are some common themes I’m sure.
Hopefully this won’t make me sound cray cray, you’d actually be surprised just how many people think like this. Initially you might read the following phrases and be like, but how do you think these things? But it’s so easy to slip into these habits, to believe you aren’t good enough or worth anyone’s time.
Anxiety is not rational. A lot of the time when I get anxious those around me say ‘you’re being totally dramatic’ or ‘that’s completely ridiculous’.
Well yes, I know that deep down, it’s just that in this moment in time, my mind is telling me otherwise. I always see the light when I’ve calmed down, but when I’m in an anxious state, life is fragmented into tiny little irrational pieces.
Here is what regularly goes through my mind, and probably many other anxiety sufferers when they are at peak anxiety level.
Computer says no
Nope, can’t do it. Wish I could do it, and I know it’s good for me, but sorry, computer says no. Sometimes when you’re anxious you will be so paralysed by your worries that you can’t do simple tasks, or carry on with your daily routine.
Like if I’ve got training or need to go to town to do something, sometimes, I will crumble before making it out the door. People will say go on, man up, it’s no biggie. WELL TO ME IT IS A BIG DEAL RIGHT NOW. If your flight response kicks in it’s really hard to beat it and press onwards with your day.
I’m a failure
When you start to spiral, you literally doubt everything. You doubt your ability in almost every area of your life, or perhaps you hone in on one. Like I might start to think I’m no good at writing, or another common one is that I haven’t achieved enough in sport so I’m a general failure at life. It feels soul destroying, and it knocks the wind out of your sails.
What if X happens
What if, what if, what if. How often do those words run through your brain. When you’re in a heightened state of anxiety, you picture every single worst case scenario. You think the world’s going to end. Your brain won’t let you digest any positive outcomes.
One time I had a panic attack because I thought I was definitely going to get a parking ticket because I exceeded my time. I was sure there were number plate recognition cameras, I was defo getting a £70 fine which clearly meant death.
Guess what, I didn’t get a parking ticket. I was just having a bad day and this was what sent me over the edge and straight to the apocalypse mindset.
Why can’t I just be normal
Us anxiety sufferers do like to beat ourselves up about, well, having anxiety. We get frustrating with ourselves when we let it overpower us. I’m always like, ‘why do I have to behave like this’, or ‘I’m better than this’. And all it does is make me feel worse. It’s such a horrible burden and horrendous feeling. I guess we spend half our time feeling anxious about being anxious.
No one loves me
Ah the classic. I’m anxious and a horrible person to be around because I’m on edge and stress people out so therefore I obviously don’t deserve to be loved. Who could love an anxious being such as myself? I know that my friends, fiance and family love me for all my good traits (yes folks I do have some), when I’m going through an anxious period, I just assume everyone hates me, and that my fiance doesn’t love me.
He gets super annoyed (understandably) when I do this because it’s kind of offensive to him. Yet I still do it. ‘You hate me’. I say. ‘Why would you love someone like me?’ I ask. I think this is probably the most tragic part of anxiety, because it’s a sad sad world when you think no one loves you – even though they do.
I’m going to die
Such fun. NOT. I’m not sure what % of anxiety sufferers have this but I’m guessing a fair few. Health anxiety. The ‘I’ve got a mole and it must be cancerous so I’m going to die next week’ kind of anxiety.
The ‘I know I shouldn’t Google this health symptom because I will freak the hell out but I’m going to anyway’ kind of anxiety. You know where I’m coming from. I’ve noticed lately that I do this a lot. The other day I had a sharp stomach pain for like five minutes, I kid you not, and that was long enough for me to Google ‘causes of upper abdominal pain’.
So that’s a little tiny insight for you. Either you are reading this going yup the exact same things happen to me every single day, the struggle is real, then holla! If you’re reading thinking I didn’t get anxiety before but now I have just a smidge more knowledge then brilliant, I hope it has been an insightful read. Over and out.