It feels like I blinked and then all of a sudden I turned 28 years old. Where the hell has the last ten years gone? Yuck. What a strange, in-between, what the f**k am I doing with my life type age this is.
You may be reading this and thinking geez if only she knew that she’s still so young, but to anyone in their late twenties this is a scary age. Lots of people have a mid life crisis, sure, but what about a quarter life crisis?
When you get to your late twenties it’s crunch time, you are expected to have met a wonderful, rich man and either be having lots of babies or be a highly successful career woman (or both). This is a lot to live up to.
So, I am writing this post as warning, approach women in their late twenties with caution. Avoid saying all the cliche things that they totally don’t want to hear. We might talk amongst our best friends about some of the subjects mentioned below, but we don’t really want to talk about it to anyone else.
Here are 20 things you should never say to women in their late twenties.
1. Is marriage on the cards?
Oh dear, the ultimate awks question for anyone in their late twenties. Most of your friends are posting selfies with engagement rings and you have 23467 weddings to attend next year.
If you are single it’s pretty much the most annoying thing anyone can ask (maybe finding a man and getting married just isn’t number one on the list of your priorities).
If you have a boyfriend then it’s an equally uncool thing to say. Either your boyfriend hasn’t asked you yet, you don’t want to get married full stop or you don’t really mind. Whatever your feelings it’s none of their darn business.
2. When are you going to have kids?
Some women in their twenties can’t wait to have kids, for others the idea of giving birth/being responsible for a living being is terrifying. Yes, we know we are practically over the hill when it comes to fertility and the rule book says we have to have kids before we turn 30 but screw that. Lots of women are having kids well into their 30’s these days so stop with the pressuring.
3. Why do your eyebrows look so weird?
Oh no, you did not just say that! Do you know how much blood, sweat and tears went into perfecting these brows? At the moment, eyebrows are EVERYTHING to women in their late twenties. Why shouldn’t we be able to have eyebrows like Cara Delevingne, Beyonce and the Kardashians? Our partners might not understand their appeal but all women do.
4. Do you think you have enough cushions on your sofa?
Do not enter into a conversation with a late twenty something woman about cushions. We bloody love them, they are our favourite topic and we could talk about them for hours. You will only encourage us to spend more money on ridiculously expensive cushions.
5. Why do you drink so much wine?
Do not make judgements about our bad drinking habits. We don’t go out binge drinking anymore because who has the energy for that these days. All we want is a nice glass of wine at the end of a hard working day, do not make us feel guilty about it. We know our Prosecco addiction is getting out of control but we don’t need you lecturing us about it.
6. So..is this the career for you then?
No, yes, maybe, I DON’T KNOW! Most people end up changing their careers about four times before they finally decide on something. You have to try lots of things to discover what you like. You most certainly have not run out of time to sample new careers by your late twenties. We are still trying to figure out what we want to do so don’t pressurise us to make a decision or make us feel bad for taking a risk and trying something new.
7. You shouldn’t treat your pet like a child
After your turn 25, the urge to procreate suddenly becomes present. Even if your brain is telling you there’s no way you want babies, your body seems to make you feel otherwise. So that’s why women that aren’t ready for babies in their late twenties are suddenly desperate for a puppy, kitten or basically anything fluffy that we can mother. If we want to spoil our pets and treat them as part of the family then we will.
8. Is that a grey hair?
Avoid saying this at all costs. If you notice a grey hair, keep it to yourself. Mentioning the arrival of a grey hair could cause utter devastation to a late twenty something. We are happy to talk to our friends who also have grey hair about it and how to cover it up but anyone else bringing it up would be a disaster.
9. Would you consider botox?
Did you really just ask me that? It’s not time to start talking about wrinkle eliminating procedures. We may have frown lines but that’s normal and natural. A premature question about botox or pointing out a wrinkle is cruel and unnecessary.
10. How old are you?
We are over 25 now so any cheeky queries about our age are totally out of the question. It’s basic manners not to ask, just don’t go there.
11. Does turning 30 scare you?
Yes it does the world ends when a girl turns 30 so why even bother asking? We are dreading this milestone enough without you bringing it up and reminding us, cheers for that.
12. Aren’t you too old for that?
No, we are never too old for anything. Watching the OC, Gilmore Girls or Clueless will never get old. If we want to do childish things we will because we adore anything that reminds us of our youth. Plus acting like a kid is fun.
13. Being in your late 20’s in this day and age is hard.
Yes it is bloody hard. Don’t even get us started on that subject. We are pretty hard done by, being a late twenty something in the UK in this economic climate is not ideal. This subject makes us very mad so you might just want to avoid it (although a small amount of sympathy and understanding is sometimes welcomed).
14. When I was your age I bought a house for 40 pence
Yeah, we know. When our parents and grandparents bought houses it cost them practically nothing. This is very painful for us to hear now that average house prices are hundreds of thousands of pounds.
15. Have you managed to save much money yet?
No we haven’t managed to save much because we have too many blooming outgoings. Living these days as a twenty something is darn expensive. We will save in our own time thank you very much.
16. You are going to get an awful hangover tomorrow
Uggghh please do not remind us. Hangovers last two days and the thought of having one fills us with dread. That’s why we hardly ever drink much anymore. #hangoverfear
17. Why don’t you join me on my juice diet/detox/extreme bootcamp?
No thank you. Please do not try and sell us a fad diet. Simply eating actual good food is a much better idea.
18. You are really tight with your budget, you should live a little
Super annoying. We scrimp and save so we can pay the bills and maybe treat ourselves to a few meals out every so often. Putting us under pressure to spend money and attend social events we will have to politely decline is frustrating.
19. Have you put on weight?
Our metabolism is beginning to become a little less reliable. It’s becoming more difficult to shift the pounds and maintain a good weight. Any negative weight comments or jokes about our rather large bottoms are not welcome.
20. Why do you go to bed so early?
Because we have actual important things to do in the morning. Like shopping in Ikea, cleaning the house and buying candles. Plus a good night’s sleep is just the best thing ever.
