In nearly every part of our lives, we’ve somehow been tricked into believing we need to be instantly accessible and constantly available to everyone and everything the moment we are needed. It’s not just in the form of instant replies or constant communication either; we’re also expected to have an endless emotional bandwidth, too. And honestly, what good is all that doing?
So many of us are overwhelmed, wondering how to avoid burnout, and just generally struggling to protect just a single moment of peace for ourselves. This culture of ‘constant access’ really needs to calm down. It’s not doing any of us any good. Please hear me when I say that you do not have to be available to everyone all the time! You are allowed to take your own time to protect your peace when you need to.
Research shows that burnout is not just a side effect of a demanding workload or juggling responsibilities, but it’s also caused by a lack of boundaries. When paired with the constant expectation to have to show up and be present, it can become a lot to handle alone. A recent Healthline article: How to set boundaries to avoid burnout agrees that setting boundaries is an important way to avoid burnout from ‘always on’ mode. In that article, it also echoes just how important reclaiming your time and energy can be to support your mental health and wellbeing.
How to protect your energy in a high-tech, digital-led world
You don’t need to respond to every text or notification right away.
You don’t need to honour every pop-up or request with an instant action.
And no, protecting your own peace does not make you selfish. Not at all!
Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.
Setting boundaries is healthy, silencing notifications is normal, and rest is absolutely necessary.
Don’t need to feel bad about wanting to protect your own energy and sanity. After all, if you don’t, then who will? If you don’t silence the constant demand for your attention, you’ll only find yourself stuck in a never-ending cycle of never feeling calm or at peace due to the constant weight of other people’s expectations of you on your shoulders. You’ll soon be running on low, drained and in desperate need of recouping.
I say, turn off your work notifications on the weekend. Silence all the group chats if you want a break. And most importantly, let people know if you think they’re (intentionally) ignoring your boundaries. Everyone else has boundaries, and you deserve to have them too. Without them, people will expect constant access to your time, energy, and attention whenever it’s convenient for them. That’ll not just affect your mood and energy levels, but it starts to feel very isolating, especially when people only want your attention when it suits them, on their terms.
You can be there for people without being constantly available
Being there for people when they genuinely need help is very different from people who have an expectation that you should be available to them at all times. Yet somehow, once again, we’ve normalised the idea that being caring and supportive means responding right away. We’ve been told to drop everything of our own and be an emotional sound barrier for everyone else, no matter what we have going on. How is that fair? It’s not.
Our families, children, and loved ones may need us regularly, and showing up for the people we love matters deeply. But even so, finding or making time for yourself is still important. Unfortunately, it will catch up to you if you pour yourself endlessly into everyone else while neglecting your own peace and well-being.
Give yourself permission to disconnect without apologising
“Do you mind having a look at this for me?”
“Can you help me?”
“Can I talk to you?”
You can say no, especially if saying yes is only going to take more from you than you can give. You can also say nothing or ignore any notifications until you’re ready.
Let’s say you’ve finished work for the day and you’re spending time with your family when an email comes through. By all means, check it out and respond if you need to. But just ask yourself, can it wait till work tomorrow or even Monday? If the answer is yes, there is no harm in leaving it and enjoying your downtime. Maybe a group chat you’re in has over 50+ unread messages; you don’t have to spend an hour on the weekend catching up if you don’t want to. You can silence it and go through it when you’re ready.
You have to give yourself permission to disconnect when you need to, and no you don’t need to apologise for it.
Protect your attention like it’s valuable, because it is
Your time is valuable. Your time is precious. And your time is limited; spend as much of it as you can on what matters most. I’m not saying to avoid responsibilities or requests for help from others, just make sure that you are not giving all your time and energy away at the expense of yourself. Sometimes, the only way you can protect your energy and mental sanity is to simply step back. Check out the How to keep your sanity when everyone around you is ‘accomplishing more’ article if you’re feeling left behind while continuously supporting those around you; you’ll likely be doing better than you think.
