Literally the most annoying thing to say to an anxious person. If you say this to someone who has anxiety, then it’s clear that you have no understanding of anxiety at all.
Anxiety is not like a sickness you can see, and often it doesn’t always appear to have a cause or a trigger.
For some people, they will have specific anxiety about doing certain things, which they will go out of their way to avoid. For example, being in social situations, public speaking or a phobia of something.
Other people don’t experience anxiety in the same way. Some days, they will be happily going about their business, and then boom, anxiety strikes for no apparent reason. Goodbye enjoyable day, hello nightmare.
If you have a friend who has told you they suffer from anxiety, but whenever you see them they appear to be fine, don’t assume they are OK.
Some people are just very good at letting their anxiety simmer, whilst they put a brave face on and pretend like they feel normal. Their face might say ‘I’m fine’, but their insides may be doing somersaults.
I have come across a few fellow anxiety sufferers who lash out, and instead of wondering what’s wrong, people just see them as rude. It’s often when these people haven’t sought help for their anxiety, so the only way they know how to let out their frustration is to snap at their friends, partner and family.
I’m pretty good at looking like I’m owning my life, and putting on a front, when really I may be struggling to cope. I hate feeling weak, and I want to be really successful, so I’m pretty tough on myself.
If I could just learn to give myself a rest, try not push myself too hard and to realise that I can’t be superwoman every single day, maybe my anxiety wouldn’t build to such an unbearable climax.
Lately, I have been rocking at life. Everything is finally coming into place, especially with my business. I got sent to the Caribbean last week for an unbelievable trip, and I was like, yes, I suppose you deserve a pat on the back Kiri. My Facebook news feed might be full of posts where I’m [shamefully] bragging about my work achievements, smiling with my friends and loving life.
However, what we need to realise is that our social media feeds are a very unrealistic and fake representation of our lives. I may be succeeding in many areas of my life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get anxious about things anymore.
Anxiety doesn’t just go away when things get better, it sits there, like a cat, waiting to pounce when you least expect it (check out my post comparing anxiety to a cat).
We also feel shit because we think that everyone else’s life is perfect, because all we see is the good. I may generally be very happy, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still battling with my anxiety every now and then. I’m also not just talking about myself in this post, I have been inspired to write it because of others who are in the same position.
If someone has had the courage to tell you that they are having problems with anxiety, or even depression, don’t just take a back seat.
It’s easy to just avoid them or not ask them about it because it makes you feel awkward, but that’s just selfish. Ask them how they are coping every once in a while, or send them a text on difficult days just to let them know you are there and thinking of them.
Never assume that because their life seems to be running smoothly, that they must be 100% back to normal. If they lash out at you unintentionally, cut them some slack, or let them know you understand why they might be acting that way.
If you have a friend or loved one with anxiety, you might even want to do a bit of homework on it. Educate yourself about it, try and put yourself in their shoes, even if you find it very difficult to understand. Anxiety UK offers help and advice for carers of those with anxiety (this doesn’t mean you look after them 24/7, it just means you are around a lot when they are anxious, which can be difficult to manage).
Check out this booklet on generalised anxiety if you want to understand a bit more about it. I hope you found this article useful, whether you are someone who get frustrated with people wondering why you are so anxious, or you are a friend who doesn’t quite know how to help someone who’s suffering.
