All my life I have always assumed I was an extrovert. I have always thrown myself into stuff, been confident at public speaking and generally been quite sociable. As I have got older, I have slowly realised that some of this is an act, and that I may in fact be an introvert.
When you picture an introvert you imagine someone who is withdrawn, perhaps a little anti-social and maybe lacking in confidence. Whilst there is some truth to this, it’s a little too presumptuous and inflexible.
Take dog breeds for example, you get different breeds with specific breed personality traits, but they are not set in stone. You can have two dogs that are classed as the same breed but act completely differently. I think introverts are the same, there’s a whole spectrum of different types of introvert, not just this shy person we all imagine.
This is why the image I have used fits so well, because it looks as though I am hiding behind a wall, but in reality I can come across as strong and determined. With introverts, not everything is as it seems (this image is courtesy of Sarah Archer of Monochromia Photography).
There are so many myths about introverts, such as people assuming that introverts aren’t very successful, confident or friendly. Everyone has got it so horribly wrong. The truth is, not all introverts look or act like ‘introverts’ as we picture them, including me.
According to the Myers Briggs bog standard personality test, I have a moderate preference of introversion over extroversion. ‘NFPs are effective in occupations involving a lot of intellectual work that is focused on humanities and social science, spirit and soul, inspirational activities, and requiring creativity.’ Well that’s me down to a t.
Some famous people are introverts, and you would never guess it (Elton John, Lady Gaga and even Kim Kardashian, apparently). Take Audrey Hepburn for example, this is one of her quotes, which I can really relate to.
I love being by myself, love being outdoors, love taking a long walk with my dogs and looking at the trees, flowers, the sky…I’d be perfectly happy if I spent Saturday night until Monday morning alone.
I can’t say I feel exactly the same, as I do like socialising at the weekends, just with people who I am comfortable with and enjoy being around. If you saw me with my friends you would think I was one of the most outgoing, and I can be very outgoing, it just takes me a long time to get to know someone and show them who I really am. Emma Watson is also an introvert, which I can sort of see. It may have been why she was chosen to star in the film ‘The Perks of Being A Wallflower’. Here’s her take.
Extroverts in our society are bigged up so much, and if you’re anything other than an [extrovert] you’re made to think there’s something wrong with you. That’s like the story of my life. Coming to realize that about myself was very empowering, because I had felt like Oh my god, there must be something wrong with me, because I don’t want to go out and do what all my friends want to do
Also, FYI, some of the most successful people in the world are/were in fact introverts including J.K Rowling, Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Abraham Lincoln and even Gandhi. I literally adore this simple yet powerful quote he once said. It proves you can be a leader and change the world, without being ridiculously outgoing.
In a gentle way, you can shake the world
Since I have come to realise I am an introvert, after first feeling a little ashamed (which I shouldn’t have), I have slowly come to feel a sense of relief, and appreciation for who I really am. By understanding my limitations and playing to my strengths I have become a better, more successful and more complete human being. For years I tried to be something I wasn’t, and put myself in situations that I wasn’t comfortable with.
Sure, in my personal and professional life I might have to face situations that I don’t enjoy, but I can now approach them with more awareness. For example, I’m going to a conference towards the end of this month. I have avoided networking for a fair few years because I find it exhausting. I’m actually pretty good at it, and can come across very confident. I may much prefer to be at my computer writing away than speaking with strangers, but that doesn’t mean I can’t rock at it.
So if you think you might be more of an introvert than an extrovert, celebrate who you are rather than punishing yourself for your natural behaviour. As soon as you embrace your introvert ways you will feel a new sense of purpose and a fresh wave of happiness. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you are a hermit who never leaves the house, many introverts can double as social butterflies when they want to. They can also be surprisingly good at jobs you would never think they would do well in, for example, in sales roles.
A 2012 study completed by Randy Buckner of Harvard University discovered that introverts tended to have larger, thicker gray matter in their prefrontal cortex. This may explain why introverts tend to think things through and ponder to themselves more than extroverts. I’m quite tempted to read this book, which shows the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking.
If you are interested in this topic, this is a really fascinating article that details how psychologists and experts have documented and attempted to explain introversion and extroversion over the years. It makes a useful point:
It is entirely possible and not impractical for an introvert to be a leader, just as it would be silly to assume that extroverts do not enjoy the occasional walk alone (Cain, 2012).
We have obviously come a long way, and literature such as Susan Cain’s book has certainly helped, but from my experience, we still have some improvement to make. I think, particularly in an office environment, introverts shouldn’t be made to feel inadequate. These two personality types really aren’t black and white, and our understanding of what they both mean may be a tad exaggerated.
