Seeking To Find Your Self-worth? How To Say No To The Haters & Yes To Yourself
Hands up. How worthy have you felt lately? If the answer is a resounding ‘not so much’, it sounds like it might be time to kick things up a notch.
‘How to find your self-worth’
From your career to relationships and everything in between, possessing and maintaining a high level of self-worth is the absolute foundation when it comes to making your soul happy and fundamentally getting to where you want to be.
So let’s get cracking and help to find your most worthy you.
Firstly, let’s talk briefly about self esteem
While intrinsically linked, self-worth and self-esteem are not the same thing.
Self-esteem is the way in which we measure ourselves. It’s our own assessment of our makeup, our qualities, our characteristics and way we view ourselves. It’s also flexible. Self-worth then, is the belief that you are loveable and valuable regardless of how you evaluate your traits.
Because self-esteem can change, you may find one day it’s sitting at rock bottom, but if you have a strong sense of self-worth, you can be at rock bottom while still holding onto the belief that you are innately worthy.
Why does it help? Because on the days where you don’t feel quite so good about yourself, you still have a form of positive self-perception to keep you going. So, how do you go about finding yours? Here are four ways to get you started…
Focus on self care
Self care and self-worth. They kind of go hand in hand, right? Right.
Self care can come in many forms. Big or small, it’s all about what it means to you. From taking a walk to focusing on activities that make your soul sing, when we shy away from these things, we can become so completely overwhelmed or do ourselves such detriment that the only possible outcome is illness. Whether this is mental or physical, the result is the same.
If you’re serious about finding your self-worth, here are some ideas for stepping up your self care in terms of mind, body and soul:
- Relax into a soothing bath
- Go for a stroll
- Take a deep, mindful breath
- Take a nap
- Cook your favourite meal
- Dance around your room
- Let all the emotions out – whether it’s a good laugh or a good cry, put on a film or listen to some music that helps you to evoke what you really need to release
- Direct kind words at yourself – from forgiveness to acceptance to self-motivation
- Write a journal
- Embrace your ideas – whether this means taking up a new hobby or finally getting around to pursuing your passions, start small and eventually build it up
- Take a break from social media – Try switching off from the virtual word every so often to help distance yourself from some of the more negative aspects and get some headspace
Cut out the crap
How many times have you felt the need to hold onto a relationship, be it your partner, friend or family member because of habit? Because of nostalgia? And yes, also because of what you believe is love?
Bottom line, you don’t need to hold onto anything that brings you anything but inner peace. Your life is yours for living and who you let into it is a choice. Even when it comes to family. It all depends on how the relationship makes you feel.
It’s amazing how quickly things can turn around when you remove toxic people from your life. — Robert Tew
Here are some signs the people surrounding you just aren’t bringing you peace:
Ever been the victim of such subtle manipulation, you think you’re going out of your mind?
Or maybe a person is so outright selfish that it seems impossible for them to behave this way. Either way, a manipulative person can be hard to spot, but it’s all to do with control, and more specifically, trying to take control of you.
These types of people tend to use their own insecurities to hone in on yours and destroy your self-worth. But if you’re in tune with your own self, you’ll hopefully be able to spot this behaviour and want to run as far away from it as quickly as possible.
They downright lie
Sure, we all exaggerate from time to time but the difference with a toxic person is the consistency in their lies. No matter how big or small the brag, dishonesty is a key feature in their behaviour. Again, this can come from low self-esteem, but if you’re seeking to build up your own self-worth, this type of toxicity should be avoided.
They’re full of judgement
From obvious critiques to more subtle put downs and constant gossip, the aim of the toxic person’s game is to ‘bring you down’ to their level. Why should you feel confident, secure and happy when they’re unable to do so?
This type of jealous behaviour can result in a very gradual decrease in your own self-esteem, as over time the constant remarks or backstabbing behaviour chips away at your confidence. If you have low self-worth, it can be difficult to pull yourself away from it, but if you’re assured in your own worth, you’ll soon want to be rid of it.
They play the victim constantly
Let’s get it straight, bad things happen to us all, and it’s much better to try and deal with such things rather than ignore them. But when it comes to toxic people? Bad things don’t just happen to them from time to time, bad things happen to them all the damn time. Playing the blame game, the toxicity levels rise because they are unwilling to take any responsibility for their actions.
You create more space in your life when you turn your excess baggage to garbage. ― Chinonye J. Chidolue
Now, we’re not suggesting you can’t feel justified in your thoughts and feelings when something bad happens. In fact, it’s essential in order to try and move on or provoke change. So, yes, feel sad. Yes, get angry. Absolutely, react. But then it’s time for accountability and growth. If you’re surrounded by a person who is 100% unwilling to do this? It might be time to cut the cord.
Try some positive affirmations
Ah, the power of language. And gosh, do we use it to our detriment so much of the time. Particularly when it comes to ourselves. So much of what comes out of mouths, especially in reference to ourselves, is negative. How do you get out of said spiral? A good old fashioned affirmation.
Providing you with the chance to pick out specific words or phrases to help encourage positive thinking or get rid of destructive thought patterns, affirmations can pave the way for success and confidence. They can also help to cultivate healthy relationships. Once you realise what you’re worth, you’ll know what you’re more willing to put up with, or not.
You can recite the words or jot them down in a journal. It can even mean popping a note on your mirror to just be that little kinder to yourself. Whether you actively acknowledge it each time you pay yourself a visit or give it a subtle nod, the words will start to seep in. Believe us. You can do it. And the more you believe it, the more it will become ingrained et voila, self-worth programmed in.
Try the following to ease yourself in:
- I am powerful
- I am worthy
- I’m proud of you
- You deserve this
- You can do anything you put your mind to
- You’ve got this
Take yourself out on a date
Yep, you heard. And don’t get us wrong, here at TCW, we know just how scary, nerve-wracking or downright cringe it can feel to undertake certain activities in a solo capacity. Dinner for one surrounded by dinners for two, three and four? The word unsettling comes to mind. But, trust us, the liberation soon sets in and once you do it for the first time, you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it before.
Why is it important? It’s pure and utter you time. You can spend the morning, afternoon, evening or whole damn day just doing you, boo. Eat the food you want, do an activity you love, be at one with nature, pamper yourself, watch a film or book a mini-break if that’s what you fancy.
Why else is it important? Doing things on your own will not only help to boost your self-confidence but it will add layers to your life, creating more independence, adding interest and ultimately helping you to reach your most fulfilled and enlightened self. What can be better than that?
Bonus points, it will start to make you appreciate your own time, which leaves less time for validation seeking from others. When you begin to rely less on another person for attention, love or other needs, you’ll begin to rely way more on yourself.
PLUS. When you’re happy, you glow different, and this in turn can attract only the most positive of people. Forget about the ones who are looking to control you or bring you down. It’ll be too hard of a task.
Our advice? Glow up and get working on your self-worth. Will it be a quick process? Nope. Will it require focus and dedication? Absolutely. Will you eventually wind up loving yourself on a deeper level, be kinder to yourself and be able to spot those red flags from the off? You can count on it.