Why Do We Always Feel Inadequate?

Why Do We Always Feel Inadequate?

I don’t know about you guys, but whenever I’m out and about, I always feel a little inadequate. You know those days when you leave the house thinking you look fairly presentable, and then you see a stunning girl rocking an enviable look, and you realise perhaps you don’t look quite as polished as you thought?

There’s always someone who looks better than you, someone who has something you don’t, or someone who makes you think you need to change something about yourself. For example, I might get a new hair colour, and then spot someone with hair that obviously looks much better than mine. Why do we do this?

I don’t think the blogging world is helping, because everyone just looks immaculate all the time. Bloggers don’t step out the house without wearing an Instagram worthy outfit. Sadly, that’s just not me.

I’m in no way fashionable, I prefer wearing what makes me feel comfy, and I always feel just a little bit scruffy. I guess not having to go into an office or to work has something to do with this. I’m always in casual gear, and rarely have to wander into the smart casual realm.

I do think sometimes I should make more of an effort. Not for other people, but to make myself feel better on a daily basis. Unfortunately I end up wearing jeans with running shoes that don’t really go and a strappy t-shirt that probably needs ironing.

I guess some things will never change. What does need to change is my attitude. I need to stop admiring other people and allowing myself to feel so inferior.

To one person, that fashionista walking down the street might look really cool, but someone else might think they are making way too much effort.

People may not notice the fact that you are dressed super casual, but they might notice how fresh your face looks without makeup, or how your hair pulled back like that shows off your best features. But for some reason we always imagine the worst.

These kind of thoughts are even harsher for anxiety sufferers. Why? Because there’s always something to worry yourself over. Really mean thoughts run through my head on a daily basis, like, why does my hair look so shit, or should I have maybe put just a bit of makeup on today so I don’t look like an absolute ghost?

I love the fact that I moved somewhere where not many people know me. No one who went to my school or who I previously dated or fell out with lives in this area.

So I can walk about freely, without having to worry about bumping into someone and looking an absolute mess. You know those people who you would hate to bump into when you are looking a tad rough. I don’t have to worry about them, not here.

So instead of worrying about them, I invent things that the people of my local tow might be thinking about me. We all have our own personal hang ups, mine are that I usually look like a 17 year old despite being nearly 30 and I never seem to look fashionable, even when I make a bit of an effort.

So what do you do when those body demons appear and you start to feel crap about yourself?

  • If you think you look terrible, or you are stressing about something in particular, take a moment to assess the situation. i.e. look in the mirror, and think, do I really look as bad as I think I do? The chances are you probably don’t, you are just projecting high expectations onto yourself by comparing how you look to other people.
  • One thing you can do is to actually take note of the mean things that are running through your head. You might be surprised at how harsh they are when you see them written on paper. Would you say these things to a friend? Nope? Then you probably shouldn’t pay attention to them yourself.
  • As nice as it is to go makeup free and super casual all the time, we all need to feel special every once in a while. Pick one day of the week where you will make a bit more of an effort, and do things that might make you more confident. For example, for me, if I spend time actually blow drying or straightening my hair, rather than leaving it in a wild mess, I tend to step out the door feel better about myself.
  • Try not to spend as much time on social media comparing yourself to others. You might be browsing your Instagram newsfeed without even being aware of how inadequate it’s making you feel.
  • People’s Instagram accounts aren’t real life, they are just all the nice bits, usually when we are looking at our best. Plus all those filters and apps can make people look a gazillion times better than they usually do. It’s all just a little soul destroying when you forget this and simply assume everyone looks better than you do.

This article kind of started as a brain dump when I noticed today how often I feel inadequate about myself. Now at least I have a few coping strategies and won’t walk around every day feeling bad about myself (or at least a little bit less inadequate). It’s not a nice feeling. Let’s try and shower ourselves with compliments instead of pointing out all the ways everyone else looks better than us shall we?

Main image thanks to HeatherBearDesigns (buy a print here).

 

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